How To Seduce An Ostrich: A Step By Step Guide

Ostrich Farm Cango South Africa

Step 1: Find a Sexy Ostrich

Oudtshoorn, South Africa

Have you ever wanted to know how to seduce the largest bird in the world? Today I will teach you the ancient & mysterious secrets of wild ostrich love.

Everyone gets a little lonely sometimes. Instead of looking for love in all the same places, why not visit a farm? There are plenty of farm animals out there who would be happy to receive your affections.

If you happen to be traveling in South Africa, you’re in luck. Everyone knows that the hottest farm animal in the world is the ostrich, and you’ll find many available birds in South Africa.

The following guide will teach you how to seduce and conquer this wild beast on just the first date!

Step 1: Find a Sexy Ostrich

Obviously this won’t be too difficult, as most ostriches are extremely attractive. The best ones will have long, skinny legs and big doe eyes with long lashes.

But everyone has different tastes, so maybe you’ll want a big fat one instead.

Whatever your pleasure, the best place to find them is at an ostrich farm, like the Cango Ostrich Farm located in Oudtshoorn South Africa. They’ll help you find the perfect match depending on your personal requirements.

Ostrich Feeding South Africa

Step 2: Wine & Dine Her

Step 2: Wine & Dine Her

Now you can’t just make your move right away, she’ll want to play hard-to-get first. So you’ll need to take her out to eat. Fortunately this won’t be expensive, because her favorite foods are alfalfa pellets, rocks, and twigs.

Because ostriches don’t have teeth, they eat all sorts of random things to help break up the food in their stomachs. Rocks and twigs are usually free. This means she’ll be a cheap date.

You should even be able to afford paying for her friends too, and everyone knows you are far more likely to succeed in your quest if you win her friends over first.

And if her friends are attractive and willing, well – you just never know how your night could turn out…

Ostrich Kissing South Africa

Step 3: The First Kiss

Step 3: The First Kiss

By now you should have built her trust up enough that you can attempt a passionate make-out session. When you go in to make your move, don’t be startled if her eyes suddenly go opaque.

Ostriches have two different eyelids on each eye, and to make the kiss more romantic, she may close the interior ones.

It’s also important to note that she might be an aggressive kisser… A little pinching and biting is very common.

This shouldn’t be a problem though, especially if you’re into that kind of thing.

Ostrich Ride South Africa

Step 4: Mount Up & Take Her for a Ride

Step 4: Mount Up & Take Her for a Ride

This is the moment that you’ve been waiting for! Now she’ll be putty in your hands, ready & willing to do anything you want. Don’t let her over-think it too much though, or she may change her mind.

Ostriches can be a little shy sometimes, and they’ll relax more if you blindfold them before climbing on top. Once you’ve mounted her, wrap your legs around tight and grab ahold of her wings.

Ready for some action?

Then take off her blindfold, lean back, and let the fun begin!

If it’s your first time, don’t be embarrassed if you only last a few seconds. ★

Watch Video: Seducing An Ostrich

(Click to watch Seducing an Ostrich in South Africa on YouTube)

More Information

Location: Oudtshoorn, South Africa [Map]
Company: Cango Ostrich Farm
Cost: $8 US
Useful Notes: Don’t fall in love!

Thanks to Rachelle Lucas and Earl Baron for some of the photos!

Would you ever kiss an ostrich? Any other animals? Share with us in the comments below!


#VisitSouthAfrica is made possible in partnership with South African Tourism. As always, the content & opinions expressed here are entirely my own.

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Hi! My name is Matthew Karsten — I’ve been traveling around the world for the last 4 years. Adventure travel & photography are my passions. Let me inspire you to travel more with entertaining stories, beautiful images, and money saving tips. Join thousands of others who receive exclusive email updates!


Comments & Questions

19 Comments

  1. Clelia Mattana
    May 27, 2014

    Why I missed this article? why?! I was looking for funny stories around the web to create a top 10 list, (already published months ago)… I might add this as an extra “bonus” :) just hilarious!

    Reply
  2. Amber
    January 5, 2014

    Perfect tips! I hope to ride an ostrich one day, and I will be sure to look for a sexy one!

    Reply
  3. Sam D
    June 27, 2013

    Oh my gosh Matt! I love your posts, you are always so funny!
    Riding an Ostrich would be awesome!!

    Reply
  4. Nigel Clifford
    May 3, 2013

    WOW! That looks like so much fun! Adding this to ever increasing bucket list.
    Any advice on what to do if you get a second date ;)

    Reply
  5. Jennifer
    February 19, 2013

    This is hilarious! I’ve totally wanted to ride an ostrich since watching ostrich races at the race track!

    Reply
  6. Nisha
    March 29, 2012

    I’ve also met/seen many Ostriches but dating or kissing them never occurred to me. Wasted opportunities. :(

    Next time, it’s gonna be the one. ;)

    Hats off to you, Matt.

    Reply
    • Matthew Karsten
      July 14, 2012

      One should never pass up an opportunity for a kissing session. :D

      Reply
  7. Akila
    January 20, 2012

    Ummm . . . I’ve done some crazy things in my life — but kissing an ostrich is not high on my list. Very impressed, Matt.

    Reply
  8. Stephanie - The Travel Chica
    January 19, 2012

    Well, you are not exactly a small guy. You need a girlfriend with a little meat on her bones.

    Reply
  9. Stephanie - The Travel Chica
    January 19, 2012

    These photos are hilarious! I knew they were big, but seeing you mounting one shows just how freaking big they really are!

    Reply
  10. Errich
    January 19, 2012

    I hope I can find an ostrich too…This looks awesome!! LOL

    Reply
  11. Shellie
    January 17, 2012

    I love the first kiss!!

    Reply
  12. Christy @ Technosyncratic
    January 17, 2012

    I’m speechless. Can’t believe you let it kiss you! I’d be worried about losing an eyeball. :)

    Reply
    • Matthew Karsten
      January 17, 2012

      I can’t deny that I was a bit nervous, so that’s why I let her kiss Earl first! While she almost broke his teeth, his eyes were still intact. :)

      The claws on them are giant! I was actually more worried about those…

      Reply
  13. @Shigeo4
    January 14, 2012

    ガチョウを誘惑する方法。1.セクシーなやつを見つけて 2.食事をして 3.ファーストキスを済ませたら 4.GO!

    Reply
  14. Amanda Williams (@DangerousBiz)
    January 14, 2012

    Haha, love it.

    Reply

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