What Does a Timber Tiger Taste Like?

Hunting Chipmunk New Hampshire

Hunting the Deadly Timber Tiger

I really don’t enjoy killing animals. But I do enjoy eating them. So when I had an opportunity to go hunting for the dangerous Timber Tiger in the forests of New Hampshire, I jumped at the chance to slay & eat this wicked beast.

moving stealthily through the forest, they devour babies when parents are away…

Timber Tigers have become an uncontrollable epidemic in wooded areas throughout the United States. They breed and multiply in great numbers until no animal is safe from their wrath.

They’re an army of killers bent on destroying cute and defenseless birds, frogs, and mice.

Moving stealthily through the forest, they devour babies when parents are away from the nest. Timber Tigers are drug addicts too. Consuming large quantities of psychedelic mushrooms all day, they numb their minds to the unspeakable crimes they commit against the animal kingdom.

Chipmunk Eating Mushroom New Hampshire

Timber Tiger Getting High on Mushrooms

The Hunt Begins

I wasn’t sure if I could destroy this monster on my own, so I enlisted the help of a reliable friend. Patrick and I armed ourselves well, said goodbye to our families, and ventured into the deep, dark, foreboding woods.

There were no guarantees we’d come out alive.

Immediately we discovered signs that a Timber Tiger was near. Tracking it through the wet leaves, we eventually found it’s hidden lair of doom.

Preparing ourselves mentally for the battle about to be waged, we hid in the brush and released the safeties on our weapons…

Attack!

The Timber Tiger had been waiting for us. It was no fool. Lunging from the treetops, it surprised us with an attack from the air!

It’s clever ambush caught us off guard and we were forced to defend ourselves from the monster or risk certain death.

A lucky shot felled the beast before it could rip us limb from limb.

Our impossible quest was over. The leviathan was slain. Now it was time to feast.

Cooking Chipmunk New Hampshire

Chipmunk Garlic Sauté

How to Cook a Chipmunk

The first step to enjoying fresh Timber Tiger meat is to skin, gut, and butcher the evil creature. You’re left with 2 back legs and a sirloin.

After washing the meat well, you now place it in a bowl of cold water mixed with a tablespoon of canning salt. This you let sit in the fridge for 24 hours.

The salt removes any remaining blood, getting rid of a possible gamey taste.

Pour some good oil into a frying pan on medium heat and mix in half a clove of diced garlic to simmer for 5 minutes. Add your cuts of Timber Tiger, and spice the whole concoction with a healthy dose of freshly ground pepper.

Cook for 10 minutes.

Eating Chipmunk New Hampshire

Timber Tiger Tastes Grrrrrrreat!

Yummy!

You’re left with succulent, tasty morsels of meat, much like miniature chicken legs, that pair well with a case of cheap beer.

People will come from miles around to celebrate your victory over this demon of the forest, so be prepared for a party. The mayor may even declare a new holiday in your honor.

Ensure you have enough meat to share with friends, because everyone in the village will want to try a bite of your delicious Timber Tiger.

Buen Provecho! :D

Naturally hunting & eating furry woodland creatures might offend some people. If you decide to comment below, please share your opinions in a logical, professional way. Critical is fine, but if you’re rude, I’ll delete your stuff.

Any Questions Or Comments?

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17 Comments

  1. lol..well written, and very interesting. I’m wanting to learn to hunt and butcher, because I am interested in basic survival and where my food comes from. Never thought to start with a chipmunk. Also, being someone who likes to experiment with new foods, I think this is a pretty cool experience.

  2. Plenty of that meat in my backyard. Come on South, you’ll be able to open your own Timber Tiger Cafe. Manchester needs a new kind of restaurant.

  3. Your lucky to have made it out alive. These beasts of the forest have been known to terrorize women and children and make grown men shake in their boots. And to have been able to cook and eat the vicious animal after your victory is the ultimate in wild game hunting. I say congratulations Sir!

    1. While I really don’t like to brag about my heroism that day…

      yes it was an unmatched feat of endurance, strength, and bravery that shall live on in the history books until the end of time itself! ;)

    2. Well, was going to leave a humorous comment but Bob’s (above) is hard to top. A good laugh to start the dayis always appreciated!

  4. Whew! So glad you guys made it back out alive and able to enjoy your kills! lol Like others, I expected some exotic location and huge feral cat when I saw the title of the post. I’ve never heard of a chipmunk referred to as a timber tiger.

  5. I suppose all safari’s have to start somewhere. Chipmunks have a cuteness factor that makes it a tolerable sort of mammal to have around. I’ve picked more meat out of my teeth than that roastbeast has. While we’re waiting for you to get your place in history with Daniel Boone, Davy Crockett and Natty Bumppo, you may want to get a new title for yourself. Leatherstocking is taken, how about “Nylontights” or “Chippy Matt”? Guiding hunts for chipmunks may be your next calling.

  6. I’ve never heard of chipmunks being called Timber Tiger before so when I saw the post on Twitter I imagine a massive orange cat on your plate and felt so bad…but for some reason was relieved to see it was a chipmunk, which is weird! It’s good to try new things.

    1. Everything else eats chipmunks, why not me? :D

      They are an important part of the forest food chain, getting eaten-up by all sorts of predatory mammals and birds.

      Plus chipmunks are baby animal killers! The cuteness is just a clever disguise…